【WHY NOT BOLD】The Saga of Vengeance: Kiki Tam with Multiple Personas

This narrative revolves around vengeance, centering on Kiki Tam. Her identity isn’t just a public facade but her genuine name.

Kiki Tam is a mosaic of diverse roles: from a rapper, a model, 𡁻海珠 of TVMost, to an actor, a host, or a proprietor. She personifies multiple dimensions and infinite possibilities, propelled by her zest for a multifaceted, colorful life. In the spotlight, Kiki is unapologetically breezy and jovial, known for sharing bold, sensual snapshots on social media. Yet, she effortlessly transcends the confines of a conventional idol, embracing her comedic side without reservation. Despite her outward exuberance, she rarely divulges her deeper emotions, sharing, “At heart, I’m intensely emotional. Some might misconstrue my cheerfulness as a pretense, but that’s far from the truth. I prefer to manage my emotions privately before presenting myself to the world. When facing adversities, I resort to my unique coping mechanisms.”

Life resembles a comedy laced with agony

Numerous comedians fashion their joy atop their own suffering. “Comedy, or humor, is birthed from life’s observations. I resonate deeply with the notion that every comedian harbors a history of sorrow, fueling the humor they bring to life.”

Kiki’s upbringing in a single-parent household set the stage for a distant rapport with her parents. She observed that many native families of the post-90s generation grapple with profound issues. Unlike their predecessors, they refuse to compromise their genuine happiness for the sake of upholding a facade of family unity. If incompatibilities arise, they choose separation over pretense, even if it means establishing a new family. Today, society has grown more accepting of divorce.

Late this November, Kiki’s Instagram post about her childhood and native family echoed widely. She advocated the notion that parenting should be a licensed responsibility. She cautioned prospective parents against having children for irrational reasons, highlighting the grave and lifelong implications of such decisions. She confided, “Even someone as resilient as I am needed years to emerge from the shadows of pain. You can’t fathom the immense effort, the tears, and the countless moments of self-reflection needed just to find peace in a single night’s sleep.”

Deprived of parental presence during her formative years, Kiki’s memories with her parents are blurred and fragmented. Sparse recollections persist, like her father defending her against bullies or her peers’ admiration for her mother’s beauty, reminiscent of Miss Hong Kong. These memories are sources of pride for her. Despite her mature and savvy demeanor, Kiki’s anecdotes about her parents reveal a palpable excitement, transporting her back to her childhood days as Angel, a name her father chose, wishing her the innocence and warmth of an angel.

Kiki Tam’s multifaceted persona

The voids stemming from her native family sculpted “love-deficient personality”, “people-pleasing personality”, and “anxious personality”. Juggling these traits, Kiki navigated a tumultuous journey in her relationships. “The love we seek might not align with our expectations, nor is it always within others’ capacity to provide. Our quest for love is insatiable, pushing us to incessantly please others and succumb to anxiety when unfulfilled. We often overlook the imperative of self-love.” Only individuals who master self-love can genuinely extend love to others. Children from such familial backgrounds often grapple with a deficit of love. With a skewed social perception of “love”, Kiki and her former partners remained trapped in this detrimental cycle.

Her early foray into the entertainment industry, at 15, marks this year as her 18th in the limelight. The once juvenile girl has transformed into a poised and mature woman. “I once believed that by 27, one should be adept at parenting. Yet, at 33, I still feel incredibly youthful, haha!” Indeed, no one inherently possesses the art of parenting. It’s a journey marked by trials and errors. Hence, prior to contemplating parenthood, it’s crucial to nurture and heal our “inner child”, to mend the trauma and prevent perpetuating the cycle in subsequent generations.
A South Korean book titled 어른이 되면 괜찮을 줄 알았다(Thought Growing Up Would Heal It: Lucky Ones Heal a Lifetime with Childhood, Unlucky Ones Heal Childhood with a Lifetime), poignantly notes, “Not all pain fades with time, nor do all memories. Growing up doesn’t inherently make one stronger or immune to hurt…” These words subtly underscore the profound influence of childhood on our adult lives.

Kiki’s recent years were marred by emotional turmoil: hair loss, hormonal imbalances, and reliance on sleeping pills for insomnia, severely impacting her career. Determined, she chose to sever ties with her past, striving to extricate herself from this negative vortex and reclaim her confidence. Last year, she distanced herself from her kin, realigning her focus towards those who genuinely cared. The upcoming Lunar New Year will be devoid of the usual familial obligations, liberating her from superficial social exchanges. Kiki finally experienced a sense of relief, realizing the importance of purging negativity from her life. “It’s astonishing how liberating it feels to rid yourself of those who dampen your spirit and energy. It’s akin to those gratifying moments in TV shows where the protagonist finally attains vengeance.”
Her journey has been a solitary quest, from selecting schools in her youth to embarking on her career pre-graduation. She shouldered the consequences of her choices, independent of external validation. She reassures herself, “Your accomplishments, managing expenses, fulfilling desires, and navigating life’s paths on your own, are commendable.”

Aiming for widespread recognition in the new year

Throughout her journey, she’s weathered all forms of critique. Her music, persona, and even unfounded rumors have been targets of criticism, yet she remains undeterred. “Instead of disparaging others, introspection is more fruitful. Critiquing oneself isn’t an act of self-loathing but a pathway to self-improvement.” While some celebrities opt to ignore negativity, Kiki genuinely encourages maintaining a sense of outrage towards societal injustices. “Anger shouldn’t be merely expressed; it should be channeled towards meaningful change.”

This quest for change certainly entails fresh aspirations. Despite frequent inquiries about her future plans, it wasn’t until the previous year that Kiki solidified her ambition: to attain widespread fame. Her candidness might surprise some. “I’ve realized the power of an influential voice in advocating change. I aspire to be that voice.” Much like her reflections on her native family, her revelations resonated with many, uncovering a shared journey of healing from childhood traumas. Recognizing her mission, she acknowledges a “responsibility” to elevate her presence, potentially through increased media engagement and creating content that resonates with her convictions. After all, she embodies the essence of Kiki Tam.

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